Letting Your Child Engage in the Struggle

By Jen Ashton, Primary Directress

“The child’s conquest of independence begins with his first introduction to life. While he is developing, he perfects himself and overcomes every obstacle that he finds in his path. A vital force is active within him, and this guides his efforts towards their goal.”

In the Children’s House, a child figuring something out for themselves is where they experience success and growth! The activities of daily life are more about process then the end product. A child polishes a tray because they love the process of setting everything out on a table, choosing a beautiful object in the classroom, applying polish to it and rubbing it off. The next day they choose the same object and polish it again. Perhaps the first time the child struggled with the polish dropper, but we show again how (or maybe another child helps) and then step back to allow practice, so the third time or fourth time is successful in squeezing it out. The joy in a child’s proclamation, “I did it!” is often heard in the Children’s House, from one whose struggle has been long and determined. As the adults in the classroom, if we interrupt it, we not only hinder a child's development in the area of independence but we rob them of the joy experienced with the moment of successful accomplishment!

As adults it is hard for us to stand by and not offer to do something for the children that is struggling with something. However, we understand that it is important for children to take the time that they need to do things for themselves. This is not to say we abandon a child to struggle alone. We are there, offering a quiet presence, watching and observing, and occasionally (just before the tipping point of mad frustration) offering a little point of interest with the words, “let me show you the next step and then you try.” The more time we spend with children and watch their growth and successes, the more we are able to internalize the importance of children being able to do things for themselves.

This is why we wear tie shoes in the classroom. Tie shoes offer the older children, who know how to tie, an opportunity to offer their shoe tying services to others who don't know how to do it. Some of the younger children are aspiring to be like the older who already know how to tie, and it gives them a sense of determination: twisting and looping and lacing and twirling over and over again. This week I heard from one of the younger children, the beautiful shoe tying proclamation, “I made the first tie!” A few other children in the classroom who were nearby came over to enjoy their success. Then the child said, “Next, the loops!” I took so much enjoyment from this moment, and not just for the child who made the tie, but more from watching the other children who also gathered to enjoy this moment when someone succeeded in their struggle.

Another child was struggling to UNTIE his double knotted shoes. He kept pulling the loops tighter and tighter. Several times, I have shown how to find the place where the laces cross over and gently tug them apart until they were loose. Occasionally the shoes would be slipped off his feet with the loops still in place and he would bang the shoes on the floor... This week I looked over at him sitting on the floor, smiling a huge smile with both shoes in front of him.. untied, laces tucked in and super proud of his accomplishment! Maybe the other children didn’t notice this time, but he knew it and I knew it and we both enjoyed the success together!

Preparing the Child through Practical Life

“The exercises of Practical Life are formative activities, a work of adaptation to the environment. Such adaptation to the environment and efficient functioning therein is the very essence of a useful education.” - Maria Montessori

Practical Life Exercises

The exercises of Practical Life in the Montessori classroom help to lay the foundation for work done during a child’s experience in the primary classroom. The main areas of Practical Life include care of the environment (indoors and outdoors), care of the person, grace and courtesy and the control of movement. It is the process rather than the emphasis on the finished product that allows a child to work for the sake of joy rather than the end result. Through these exercises the child is presented many opportunities.

Independence

The dressing frames assist the child in becoming independent dressing himself. The children enjoy seeing the button slip through the button hole on the button frame or hearing the snap when it is positioned correctly to make contact. The various pouring exercises help the child develop control of movement so she can successfully pour juice or milk. Child size cleaning materials are within reach should there be a spill!

Focus and concentration

It is not uncommon to see a child working intently and be oblivious to work being done around him. An older child may be working with multiplication and a younger child scrubbing the table close by. Concentration is the result of inner growth. It can be developed by the exercises of Practical Life and other work in the classroom giving the chance for a lengthened cycle of work.

Completion of a task

The exercises of Practical Life range from simple to complex. Some of the exercises have numerous steps. Table washing, for example, involves many different processes and has several items to lay out in order. These assist the child in developing perseverance and follow –through, while experiencing a pattern having a beginning, middle and end. Sometimes as adults, we do not realize how many steps there may in an activity we do routinely such as tying a bow. The Practical Life exercises prepare a child to successfully carry a puzzle map, to carry a movable alphabet box level so the letters remain ordered, to place small beads in position as they determine the answers for multiplication, to successfully place number tickets next to beads while working with squaring and cubing chains and so on. The more advanced exercises require a longer period of time to complete and the Practical Life exercises lay the groundwork.

Mutual Aid and Cooperation

The children in the Montessori classroom have the opportunity to help each other. Some of the children are wonderful teachers. In our multi-age setting it is possible for an older child to help a younger child. This can help the older child strengthen his experience of that piece of work and feel comfortable being a leader. The younger child begins to trust and respect his older friend-the cycle continues. We see many examples of a child comforting another child who may have tripped on the playground or tying the shoe of a friend or even untying the shoe so he can practice tying over and over.

Respect for the environment

The children feel a sense of pride and love for their environment. They enjoy caring for plants, polishing the material, dusting the shelves, folding the classroom laundry and washing the lunch plates. The list is long! Out of these experiences the children form a sense of care and concern.

Indirect preparation for later academic work

Even in water pouring exercises, mathematical concepts are explored. The young child estimates how much water the glass will hold while pouring from a pitcher. The folding cloths are folded into geometric shapes. The hand is indirectly prepared for writing with circular movements involved while scrubbing a table or polishing a piece of silver. Many exercises involve placing pieces from left to right and top to bottom sequencing, an indirect preparation for reading.

As adults we use skills of daily living constantly at a different level. The children enjoy being included in the day to day activities in their homes.

Montessori Basics: Reality vs. Fantasy

We all know Montessori classrooms differ vastly from their more conventional, traditional counterparts, and views on how children developmentally react to fantasy and reality are one of the key components of those differences.

You may or may not already know, but Montessori schools discourage the introduction of fantasy to young children (children under the ages of 5 or 6). This means we do not use play kitchens, have a dress-up area in the classroom, or rely on books with dragons and fairies. This often evokes a visceral reaction from those new to the approach, but after learning the scientific reasoning it makes much more sense.

Some people hold a misconception about Montessori regarding their assumption that the method stifles imagination and creativity. The is unequivocally false. We wonder if this misconception stems from tangled definitions of fantasy and imagination, which are two very separate concepts. Fantasy is the stories and ideas drawn from a world which does not exist (those fairies, dragons, talking horses, etc.). Imagination is the ability to conjure images or scenarios in one’s own mind, separate from present sensorial input.

So, what is the difference, really?

Fantasy is giving wooden fruit to play with instead of a real banana to slice. Fantasy is reading a book about a talking dog rather than reading a book about the different breeds of dogs around the world.

Imagination is a child on the playground pretending they are an eagle because they saw a live one for the first time that weekend. Imagination is children playing ‘family’ because they are driven to practice the roles that are modeled for them in their own homes.

Imagination is inherent in the human mind. It’s where our creativity comes from, and it’s one of the ways we process learning about the amazing world around us.  As Montessorians, we revel in the magic of imagination (and, as children get a bit older, we use it to our advantage, but more on that later).

As Montessorians, we recognize that young children have a difficult time distinguishing the differences between reality and fantasy, and that blending the two within their experience can be confusing.  We also know, from Dr. Montessori’s own observations, that young children typically prefer reality to fantasy.  For example, in her first classroom, she had a dollhouse and read folktales.  Children were far more interested in leaving those activities behind to observe an earthworm or serve tea to visitors.

Our perspective asserts that in a young child’s life, everything they encounter is awe-inspiring and fills them with wonder.  We need not tell them tales of unicorns, in part because they often have a hard time distinguishing between whether they are real or not, but also because an actual horse is just as fantastic to them.  When the whole world is still relatively brand-new, animals, plants, the environment, and real people provide more than enough inspiration for their young minds.

We all know that even very young children utilize their imaginations (as we mentioned several examples above).  This is a normal and natural part of development which we value and honor.  We would just rather give our students real, authentic opportunities as opposed to presenting them with fake ones.  We know that a three-year-old is fully capable of learning basic food preparation skills, so we guide them and leave them with a sense of empowerment.  Even a toddler is old enough to begin learning how to sweep up a mess on the floor.  Rather than supplying a toy cleaning set, we make available real cleaning tools that are appropriately sized, and we guide young children as they learn to use them effectively.

Once children enter the second plane of development, around age 6, our approach shifts.  We know children are more able to differentiate between reality and fantasy, so we don’t discourage fantasy books (although we do provide plenty of nonfiction).  We also know that children at this age, through about age 12, are highly motivated to learn through the use of their imaginations.  

While we still do not rely on fantasy to drive our teaching, we do lean heavily on imagination for older children.  Several of our most important, foundational lessons about the universe, life on Earth, and humanity itself are delivered with the use of storytelling.  The stories we tell are true, but we allow children to mentally picture themselves in historically critical moments.  Elementary-aged children are seeking to find their own place in the universe, and their developed sense of imagination helps take them there.

So, what are the practical implications of these principles in regards to parenting? We would say give your young children the gift of reality! Give them opportunities to use real tools, to go outside and observe and discuss real things. The younger the child is, the closer to reality everything that you present to them should be.