The integration of freedom and discipline in the Children's House is a foundational aspect of what sets this method apart from any other method of education; or even just being with children. That said, this is not the first time I've written about freedom and discipline and it definitely won't be the last. In fact, just this past November I wrote about freedom and discipline.
Where there is real freedom (i.e. freedom with responsibility, not license to do whatever one wants) the formation of the will and discipline will naturally evolve. We need to think about the word responsibility. Hidden in that word is the word "response". What is the child's response to the instructions, expectations and limits? When we see a negative, angry or oppositional response, we might consider asking ourselves if those expectations are within their capabilities.
Recently, the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd podcast interviewed Sister Teresita Rodkey, OP and she mentioned in the podcast that right now we are living in the time when there has not been a really good balance between freedom and discipline... Maybe even for a hundred years. The pendulum has swung between permissive parenting and authoritarian parenting, and right now in our culture, it is more permissive. However, finding that sweet spot in the middle is what deepens relationship and helps children to develop their will towards the good.
I'd like to think a little bit about the development of the will and how we provide an environment to help children develop this aspect of their personality. Dr Montessori identifies three levels of obedience that a child passes through as their abilities conform to those that we as a family, community, classroom, or culture have decided are important to us. Understanding these stages according to their development can help us to understand their behavior or their choices and how to support and come alongside them in setting limits, and ultimately helping them develop an internal self-discipline.
In the first level, a young child obeys their internal will, which is prompted by their development and their needs, so it can seem impulsive and purposeless. It is sparked by curiosity and persistence. It is an inner voice that tells a child to get up and try again every time she falls while learning to stand or take a step. It is why a child babbles and makes the effort to communicate with sounds until those sounds come together into words. Sometimes it can seem like a nuisance when they see a set of stairs and continue to want to climb up them even when mom or dad scoop up the child, and place them on the floor again. To adults that can seem like this is not obedience at all! However, they are obedient to their development which is driving them to experience the world around them and developing skills and abilities.
With the second level, children have some skills and abilities and are starting to follow some basic commands. They still don't have much self-control, but it is growing. It could seem like a child is obeying a parent, but really they only obey as much as the command or instruction is in line with their desires. If their desire is to make Mom or Dad smile and they received a response of enthusiasm, they are more inclined to follow the instruction. We know that language is very important, and language can make all the difference in this stage. Offering instructions that stir curiosity and a willingness to participate are more likely to get follow through. It is at this stage that young children prefer to do things with someone else and adults can come alongside a child and do something with them that maybe a child finds hard. For example, maybe your child already knows how to brush their teeth. It's a skill that they've developed. It is the end of the day they are tired and just don't want to do it. However, if Mom or Dad are also brushing their teeth alongside them, and making it interesting by maybe showing them how to scrub the back of their tongue or how many little circles can they make with their brush, or who can brush the longest before spitting... Suddenly it seems much more interesting. And, in the words of Winnie the Pooh, "everything is friendlier with two." The second level of obedience is where a child spends the longest amount of time. (And in fact, I have seen many young adults who are still in the phase!)
The third level is when a child has the ability to impose self-control and do what is right, even if there is something more appealing as an alternative, they know how to choose what is good, just because it is the right thing to do. This is when we see a child take initiative and clear the dinner table without being asked or reminded and not doing it for praise or to get what they want. But just because it is what we do. This is when the will is aligned with their skills and abilities, and they have had many experiences in the world around them. They know what is expected in a particular situation, or by a particular community and are able to adapt and conform to do what is right.
We are all from childhood through adulthood going through these levels of obedience fluidly, while we are learning new expectations and developing new skills or habits. Each time a child enters a new plane of development we see changes, and often children need to go through these levels again. Even for us adults, as we go through new experiences and life or circumstance changes, we move back in these stages and need to realign our will, skill and experience.
So what might this look like in the classroom? We always consider development when holding limits and expectations with young children.
An Unconscious Worker (2 ½ to 3 ½ ) is just learning how to make choices. This age child will often work at a shelf or on the floor, so the adult might unroll a work mat next to the material they have chosen and place it on the work mat or help them bring it to a table. When this child is done with their work, if they get the material back to the shelf (or any shelf!), we can be satisfied. We give fun grace and courtesy lessons in small groups, to show how to care for our environment.
The Conscious Worker is a child about 3 ½+, but before 4 and 1/2, we recognize that this age child is learning how to make choices. They are choosing materials and bringing them to a work mat or table and finishing the cycle of activity to the best of their ability. We see all the materials on the tray when they are finished, and if not, one of the adults can show again, how to restore a material properly. We use language like, “let me show you something new about this...”
A child between 4 ½-5 ½+ is choosing materials based on knowledge of the outcome of that material. He has seen the presentation and is finishing the cycle of activity all the way to the end as it has been shown to them. And it is reasonable that the adult can expect them to work with the material all the way to the end. When I see a child start something, and not finish, I begin to wonder is it knowledge or will? There is also the expectation of restoring the material properly on the shelf as if no one had even worked on it! But, what do we do when we see it put away less than tidy, we just asked them to “ check the material again, please" and sometimes, I need to say that a few times. And, if it's still seems to be difficult for them, then we can go and tidy it up together, remembering that everything is friendlier with two.
